dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
