maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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