so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
