You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
