Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
