During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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