You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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