margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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