So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
