I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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