You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
