T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
