woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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