Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
