Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
