oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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