First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize