if i can run in heels then i can drive
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
