Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
