I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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