Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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