I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
