do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
