no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
