I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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