So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
