Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
