The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
