I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
