You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
