Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
