apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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