Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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