I CAN MOONWALK!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
