the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
