Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Semen is not good for contacts.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
