It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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