I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
