i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
