My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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