the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
