is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
