He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
