i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
