i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
