I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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