apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
