She's JV to your varsity
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
