it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
