I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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