cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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