She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
