onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
