i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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