It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
