And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
