I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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