We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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