butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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