Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
