i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
