just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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