you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
