apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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