Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
